My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
