Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
