I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
