At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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