I got chris browned last night
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
