fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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