i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
