shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
