you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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