I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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