I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
