the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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