I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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