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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk

  (678): View more from Georgia

  discrete masterbation is a lost art

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• (850): View more from Florida

  One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.

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  These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.

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• (585): View more from New York

  I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus

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• (713): View more from Texas

  It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.

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• (518): View more from New York

  I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.

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  25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.

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