Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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