Texts From Last Night

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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Apparently you make a good broom.

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  (919): Apparently you make a good broom. http://tfl.nu/3otj
  Replies (8) Good night (595) Bad night (772)
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  (212): View more from New York

  so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.

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  (212): so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is. http://tfl.nu/r3y5
  Replies (8) Good night (838) Bad night (1455)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial

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  (404): Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial http://tfl.nu/i0mg
  Replies (27) Good night (4697) Bad night (622)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  i love accidental penises.

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  (414): i love accidental penises. http://tfl.nu/xi6f
  Replies (16) Good night (3004) Bad night (1066)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?

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  (218): The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it? http://tfl.nu/eoc0
  Replies (3) Good night (2719) Bad night (616)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.

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  (917): I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee. http://tfl.nu/d6kz
  Replies (15) Good night (1085) Bad night (4504)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  (917) i just came from walking.

  (309): View more from Illinois

  haha you just came from walking?

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  (309): (917) i just came from walking. (309) haha you just came from walking? http://tfl.nu/6hd4
  Replies (53) Good night (5914) Bad night (888)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.

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  (262): Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award. http://tfl.nu/7kwq
  Replies (6) Good night (3645) Bad night (827)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin

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  (847): but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin http://tfl.nu/l2xr
  Replies (11) Good night (5841) Bad night (1072)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  He just wants an even tan

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  (860): I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked. (1-860): He just wants an even tan http://tfl.nu/akk9
  Replies (18) Good night (4170) Bad night (1119)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"

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  (732): apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok" http://tfl.nu/q772
  Replies (19) Good night (4096) Bad night (1592)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.

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  (651): I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening. http://tfl.nu/p9mo
  Replies (7) Good night (3804) Bad night (948)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians

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  (719): You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians http://tfl.nu/35a3
  Replies (3) Good night (2153) Bad night (672)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom

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  (248): Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom http://tfl.nu/u2bm
  Replies (5) Good night (718) Bad night (1683)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.

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  (775): Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob. http://tfl.nu/q4zv
  Replies (14) Good night (1451) Bad night (362)

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