Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
