Texts From Last Night

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  (540): View more from Virginia

  is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?

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  (540): is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO? http://tfl.nu/qgse
  Replies (3) Good night (961) Bad night (554)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I cont stop tolking in a british axsent

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  (215): I cont stop tolking in a british axsent http://tfl.nu/j2m9
  Replies (45) Good night (4200) Bad night (1126)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?

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  (440): Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it? (1-440): because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even? http://tfl.nu/6ni1
  Replies (20) Good night (5476) Bad night (658)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"

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  (401): You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk" http://tfl.nu/xogg
  Replies (13) Good night (6291) Bad night (1168)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?

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  (908): Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body? http://tfl.nu/k849
  Replies (12) Good night (4180) Bad night (1210)
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  (555): View more from

  After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.

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  (555): After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire. http://tfl.nu/pn7x
  Replies (6) Good night (4648) Bad night (983)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.

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  (281): It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly. http://tfl.nu/y0mx
  Replies (3) Good night (1078) Bad night (2066)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.

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  (770): She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking. http://tfl.nu/77kz
  Replies (9) Good night (3163) Bad night (786)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?

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  (610): At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again? http://tfl.nu/9wdz
  Replies (10) Good night (3492) Bad night (944)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Pass the awkward sauce please.

  (928): View more from Arizona

  I'm drowning in it here

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  (928): My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking. (308): Pass the awkward sauce please. (928): I'm drowning in it here http://tfl.nu/qbnt
  Replies (4) Good night (1653) Bad night (1067)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.

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  (417): I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted. http://tfl.nu/wdy8
  Replies (6) Good night (1665) Bad night (653)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week

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  (919): Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week http://tfl.nu/ejf9
  Replies (3) Good night (939) Bad night (952)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook

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  (775): Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook http://tfl.nu/cps5
  Replies (5) Good night (1687) Bad night (587)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.

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  (401): He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached. http://tfl.nu/uw2g
  Replies (1) Good night (835) Bad night (398)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm in love.

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  (630): She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot. (630): I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/l0w2
  Replies (3) Good night (1599) Bad night (505)

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