there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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