the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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