Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
