stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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