Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Randomize
