The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
