At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
