i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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