last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
