I looked at my own cervix.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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