bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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