glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Rumble strips road head = magical
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
