I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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