dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
