There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
