Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
