Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize