dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize