Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
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Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
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You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
my liver is dry heaving
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?