How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.