you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night