dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level