Texts From Last Night

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  (619): View more from California

  I want to have your abortion

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  (619): I want to have your abortion http://tfl.nu/1oyo
  Replies (29) Good night (906) Bad night (1485)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.

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  (843): Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call. http://tfl.nu/3web
  Replies (69) Good night (5698) Bad night (1180)
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  (650): View more from California

  the ice cream truck is coming omgomg

  (1-650): View more from California

  dude, it's 2 am.

  (650): View more from California

  but its COMING

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  (650): the ice cream truck is coming omgomg (1-650): dude, it's 2 am. (650): but its COMING http://tfl.nu/8z5r
  Replies (63) Good night (8373) Bad night (769)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here

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  (508): Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here http://tfl.nu/nzus
  Replies (22) Good night (3981) Bad night (586)
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  (408): View more from California

  We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.

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  (408): We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old. http://tfl.nu/3zai
  Replies (17) Good night (5903) Bad night (830)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.

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  (701): Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy. http://tfl.nu/k5h7
  Replies (6) Good night (1289) Bad night (896)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.

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  (516): Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night. http://tfl.nu/4blv
  Replies (6) Good night (892) Bad night (542)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?

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  (704): How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic? http://tfl.nu/83e0
  Replies (6) Good night (618) Bad night (1222)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.

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  (715): I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve. http://tfl.nu/cch7
  Replies (3) Good night (1112) Bad night (850)
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  (607): View more from New York

  I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.

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  (607): I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year. http://tfl.nu/ajj5
  Replies (4) Good night (1342) Bad night (438)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.

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  (614): telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though. http://tfl.nu/tou6
  Replies (11) Good night (1824) Bad night (529)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.

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  (704): I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina. http://tfl.nu/8h1n
  Replies (9) Good night (668) Bad night (353)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed

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  (254): I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed http://tfl.nu/euid
  Replies (3) Good night (617) Bad night (311)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'

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  (440): Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.' http://tfl.nu/rdeh
  Replies (2) Good night (321) Bad night (436)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.

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  (605): I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong. http://tfl.nu/x9eb
  Replies (2) Good night (333) Bad night (282)

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