yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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