Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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