Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
