i barfeds in our rink
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Randomize
