I molested 6 butterflies tonight
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
