you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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