If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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