he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
