He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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