Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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