Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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