her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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