I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize