Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
