still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
