I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Randomize
