Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
