Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
