You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux