your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.