she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
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Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
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Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.