i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
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whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
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He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO