be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
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No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.