I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.