fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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