my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
