I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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