Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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