evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
This is the high leading the old right now
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
