I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
