actually, I'm a sock model
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
