i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i've created a new STD.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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