The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
