i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
